Category: thoughts


There is a place among trees, a lonely bench, old, a bit rusty, and unseen by people, that far aside it is. I used to sit there, when I was 10, reading fantasy books and parting myself from the world, as much as I could.

I was sitting there, sure no one sees me, living my pain silently, when the broken soul didn’t need words and human attention.

After four years, I returned there, to hold my memories for a bit in my hands. Sometimes, I feel like past is a burden, which holds me too close and too feverishly, making me dream about times that weren’t perfect, but I see only beauty in them, removing pain and sorrow with a rubber made of leaves.

Sometimes they heal. Sometimes they hurt.

I am feeling like gossamer lately, torn between past and today, too afraid to let go, and too comfortable to go forth.

Gossamer which dances lightly in the air, a wind fairy, following its element.


it slips through the pines
hungry shadow; its touch turns into ice
red as blood
white dream in crimson beads

I feel like I drift between realities. One chosen by heart and second forced into mind. The heart reality is filled with forests, wild, untamed and dark, my hair are black as night and my strange eyes glisten with unearthly gleam. I dance with fairies, I put glamour on mortals, I speak in the language of the birds.

But the second reality reminds me about itself with the world, which falls apart around me. My country is destroyed, my health will never be good, my finances are in awful state.

I want to stay in the first world, but I know I will fall, if I look into it too often.

This world is not for dreamers.