Month: November 2022

Beasts and Maidens

Do you have sometimes an urge to read something just because the characters look your your OCs? I don’t even read romance, heck, I dislike it. But the beast looks like my Rauta and there is a moment in my novel when Savrunne also looks like this girl on the cover.

Now I am torn. To read or not to read. I may dislike it but I may also like it.

The problems of OC creator.


Today I swim in Styx. My skin drinks the water of the underworld. My nerves feed on pain emerging from the black river.

I want to sleep. And wake up when Hades disappears in the mist.

This Dawn

you are guardian of the dawn
emerging from the lakes of clouds
among oceans of awakening light
a dream of the young sun
a spear of celestial gleam
in the heart of slumbering night

Snow Faery

The first snow put my house into a cozy pillow of safety. I feel better with snow. I feel like winter is my time, when I am better, stronger and can do much more – without fear created by cruel sun, unleashed over seething earth. It’s a season of ice faeries and northern wind caressing my face with chill.

I like my warm jacket and my black metal music I take on every walk between the white and the sky.

Don’t stop falling, snow. I want to lose myself in you. A winter court fae, which waited so long for her element…


Absence of fear facing the multitude of pain.

This is my life. I forgot how to fear. But never will forget how to suffer.

I will never know if it’s for the better or for worse. But I know that it will last until my path ends and fade on the horizon.

This is my life. Pulling my nerves and winding them on a spool.

Tiny Shards

Tiny shards of violet crystal lay scattered under my skin. Inside my brain. In my soul. I promised myself many times that I won’t join fandoms, because how toxic they are and how my introverted personality feels even more lonely in them, a loneliness in big crowd, worst kind of it. Few years ago, that was about to be my last time.

I almost lost the Dark Crystal among people I tried to fit but honestly, they never fitted me. Desperately tried to somehow scrap the aura from this cursed gem I still love. But yes, more heartbreaks and more wounds followed.

Never say never but I doubt I will ever join fandom or anything even slightly similar to it.

I love my violet crystal above anything else. It grows in my heart, roots deep into it, tangled with my veins, feeding my skeksis soul with crystalline essence.

Not that I can’t live without a huge dose of it pumped by the fandom straight into my system.

Only if I am already dying. Which will never happen. I am a Hunter. I am eternal.