Month: March 2022

Gom-jabbar

Pain… a gom-jabbar, that stings deeper and harder. Every time delving more into my flesh.

Dreams… filled with desire and longing, with tree sap and murmur of the wind, with touch of leaves and their rustling sound.

Hope… to tangle my reality with my dreams and silence the cursed needle once and for all.

Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.

Three Years

Three years ago… to not dwell into too much details, I had problems with sleeping. I barely slept for two months, and I still don’t know how I survived it and stayed alive. When I couldn’t stand the tiredness, indifference, pain of my tormented mind and exhausted body, one night I heard the soft purring. It was not my ginger cat. He was by my other side. I heard purring behind me. And then, I allowed it to just go through me… and I fell asleep . After two months.

After COVID few weeks ago, I felt the same. Couldn’t fall asleep, had red eyes from lack of rest and I had phantom suffocation when I was trying to lay my head on the pillow.

The purring returned. And I fell asleep.

I strongly believe my animals who are not with me anymore still guard me. I felt the love in this purr. And whichever of my beloved cats it was, I know it was you. Thank you.

Spren #2

I feel like spring gives me butterfly wings. I feel younger, even happier, if that’s even possible. Days become longer, light enters my life.

My cats feel the same way. Meowing until my head is filled with felinity (a word!). My dog sniffs every grass blade and every stone on the walks, as much as he didn’t want to do it during winter.

Budding trees soon become flowers and leaves. I want to feel like that forever; I know I won’t, the pain will return, the sickness will spoil all with time, but now… I am alive.

To Drown

There is a certain place I would like to drown. Emerge completely in it and lose myself.

The soft fur of my ginger cat.

If I ever touched anything floofy, he had to be most floofeh thing that ever existed. Given with deep purr and sweet nuzzle, I couldn’t ask for more.

Happy birthday, my dear kitty. You are old but I wish you so many more.

Social Ring

Dusting off my social skills… scary, scary… they are almost forbidden knowledge I don’t even want to delve in, but there is a need to save the world, so I go with the Ring, even if I don’t know the way.

I wished I had a friend like Sam, who would help me in this dreadful endeavour.

Anyhoo, if I fall, I will fall trying. Maybe I will bring some useful magic to my dull life… like voodoo curses or transfiguration potion…

Fae Court

I decided to open my novel website, which was coming after me for ages and one more night [ filled with stardust ].

The Fae Court

I still need to think up blurb for it. I am both very proud and slightly intimidated by the possible length of it.

 

Hunters

I showed you the path that breathes blood
in death throes of the night, we painted the world crimson
we sank our teeth in the flesh of stellar dusk
we bathed in red-tinted streams

are you my huntress or are you my prey?

we loved under the pursuing moon
we shared the glory of the wilderness
like it was our last day on the face of the earth
we stripped future naked and led it into darkness

you chose the path by my side
death and the maiden, wolf and the lady
I led you on, marking your wrists with my fangs
you were mine before you even knew me

are you my huntress or are you my prey?

we connected our souls on the highest peak
our bodies played the eternal game of touches
the atoms swirled when we united
death and the maiden
hunters of the forgotten woods

Pandemical Disaster

That feeling when COVID-19 that creeps from between the mirrors is better than pneumonia which gives field to the omicronic mare.

I never felt so weak.  Two harsh sicknesses in one week – even my hard immunity had to give up. I brace myself and slowly count days so my personal storm ended.

In the meantime? A lot of Lovecraft. Nothing like dark lord Cthulhu to thaw the frozen heart. At least – partially – it’s good to imagine that people caught by the lovecraftian terrors have it worse than me.  Pitiful, but works.

In sickness and in hell

Codename: pneumonia.

I drift in unreal cough-filled emptiness. My head hurts and my lungs are ready to be spat out. Knowing how long it usually takes me to recover, I feel it will be hard two weeks.

I don’t have strength for anything. Gods help me.